Today, as I heard Brian give his wedding speech to Fedeline, I realised how little you treasured me. I cannot imagine you giving a heartfelt speech like that to me, because you felt almost nothing for me.

In his speech, he describes her as the most precious thing to him, and how she enables him to see beauty in the little things. He talks about what he felt the first time he saw her and how she has made him a healthier and more grounded person.

I could tell by the twinkle in his eyes that he was deeply in love with her. Yet, when I looked into your eyes then, all I saw was vacancy. I was always searching for the same eyes that looked at me years ago, where I felt like the most beautiful thing to you. Instead, all I saw were eyes that loved me only out of habit, not out of desire.

Everything I witnessed today – the love between the couple, the incredible energy from the crowd, the feeling that all your friends love who you love – I know those would have been absent if we went ahead with the wedding, because it was so glaringly obvious I loved you more than you loved me, so much so it would feel like I was marrying myself.

I guess I’ll have to be patient and not settle for anything less than a new husband who is happy to announce to the whole world that calling me his wife is the greatest pleasure and blessing.