My memory is cruel
I’m queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn I’d heard him say it ten thousand times
If only I had been listening

How did I not see the signs?

I did a quick search of the number of times her name was mentioned in his texts and immediately feel bile rising up my throat.

All. The. Signs. Were. There.

Her name returned NINETY-THREE searches.

And these texts were all sent during the period of his infidelity. One of them even assured me nothing will happen after I raised concerns about him bringing her to Morton’s for a romantic celebratory dinner paired with wine. It’s of course normal to take a colleague out for an expensive $400 dinner at a place meant for wedding anniversaries to celebrate the end of a work project while your fiancée is trying to save left-right-centre for the wedding.

That night, I had to Deliveroo food to my desk because of the crazy workload. There I was, eating alone at my desk, while he was wining and dining her. That was definitely team mentality right there, where one party suffers and the other is having a whale of time. Could this celebratory dinner have been shifted so he could be there for me? Of course not! It was planned a long time ago (read: a week ago) so nothing should stop this from going on, even if his (real) partner was having a difficult time at work. And you know, it’s really hard to catch a lover he saw daily for a scheduled dinner date. So yeah, the dinner MUST go on.

And the best part is the assurance that NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN, when IT WAS ALREADY HAPPENING. This was on 30 July. The affair started on 13 July.

All I see from these texts were how both of them were ALWAYS out together – from expensive breakfasts to long lunches, to afternoon breaks, even to goddamn tea at MBS, little trips to Jewel, pre-dinner drinks, dinners and more drinks.

And all this while I trusted him so foolishly. He was throwing out all the signs of a disaster in the making. He put himself in this precarious situation where it was almost guaranteed something would have happened. He was spending SO MUCH MORE TIME WITH THIS CHICK than with me. He was spending even more money on her than he did on me. Mind you, I happen to be his wife to be.

Even when I was available for dinner, he would ALWAYS consider having dinner with her. I’d like to add that our offices are just a short 5-7 minute walk away from each other. Yet strangely, I was always having dinner alone at my desk.

How could I have been this blind or naive? I’m thoroughly disgusted. So this is how everything led to them being on the bed. It’s no wonder he even considered being with her after losing me. She was already his 8 – 5 girlfriend (wait, who am I kidding. It’s more like 8am – 10pm). At 11pm, he would finally FaceTime me and tell me he’d like to turn in to bed early to get sufficient rest. Why of course he was tired. Providing love to two women was exhausting. But it’s funny how when dinners turn to more drinks for both of them, he didn’t need sufficient rest anymore.

Just sex?

I think not.

Who the fuck are you kidding?